some cola and some world wide web
by Jonathon Olenick
Johnny the monkey boy took a big, big gulp of Crazy Monkey Cola. He burped, then took another big, big gulp out of the bottle. He shuddered, then burped again, then smiled. "I like cola," he thought.
It was midafternoon and very peaceful. Johnny was feeling happy. He didn't have much to do and the day was nice. It was also not too cold in his apartment and it was not too hot. Johnny felt good.
"I think I'm going to surf the Internet," Johnny said to himself. Even though it was a really nice day outside, going for a walk didn't occur to the monkey boy. Instead, he lit a cigarette and coughed and connected his computer to the World Wide Web.
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL!" his computer shouted at him in a voice so loud that the monkey boy almost knocked over his cola. After he calmed down, he looked at the new electronic mail. The monkey boy had received a message from GlockyllCorp. The electronic mail from GlockyllCorp told Johnny that Johnny could effectively market his company by sending tens of thousands of electronic messages to people all across the Internet. Johnny read all the message. Then he deleted it. Johnny didn't own a company, so he didn't need to do any marketing.
Then Johnny didn't know what he wanted to do on the World Wide Web. He stared at the computer screen. Then he hit the button that made the electronic mail software check again and see if Johnny had received any new messages in the past minute. The monkey boy didn't have any new messages. So the monkey boy stared at the screen. Then he clicked on an advertising banner that was above his electronic mail software. The advertising banner took the monkey boy to the home page of The Summerland Times.
"CRAZY MONKEY COLA LAYS OFF HALF OF ITS WORKFORCE!" was the big headline on the news website. Johnny frowned. He looked at the bottle of Crazy Monkey Cola in his hand. He looked at the pretty monkey girl who was on the product's label.
He looked back at the computer screen. Then he read some of the article.
The article said that Crazy Monkey Enterprises was making way more money than ever before. Just last year, the company had made 492 trillion dollars and eighteen cents. They wanted to make the people who owned shares of Crazy Monkey Enterprises happier than ever before though. That is why they laid off all those people. 40 million people across the world who used to make a living doing work for Crazy Monkey Cola now needed new ways to make money.
Johnny stared at the article. He stared there at it for a long time.
Then he noticed another article down the screen a little ways. The other article said that Christian Slater had saved a puppy's life. Johnny leaned closer to the screen. The monkey boy scrolled the article down so he could read it better.
The puppy had been about to run onto a busy Summerland highway. Christian Slater had seen the puppy though. The actor had run over and he saved that puppy.
Johnny smiled at the computer screen. "What a heart-warming story," he said to himself.
Then, because he was thirsty, he took another sip out of his bottle of cola. As he was sipping, he noticed some words behind the Crazy Monkey Cola label. The words said "YOU HAVE WON A FREE FREE FREE 93 oz BOTTLE OF CRAZY MONKEY COLA IN OUR 'HOORAY IT'S SPRING!' CONTEST!"
"Yippee!" Johnny thought. Then he smiled a big, big smile. The monkey boy felt very lucky.
Johnny decided it might be nice to go for a walk outside. Why, maybe he could walk all the way down to the store to get his free bottle of cola.
The lucky monkey boy was still smiling when he turned off his computer.
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