C.L. in Worryland

after Wanda Coleman

i get scared sometimes

and have to review the events of my life

to confirm i survived them all

i have been known to go missing

by disappearing myself from myself like

black forest magic divinity

i have gone after people

in hindsight

once i thought to cut my wrist and grew ashamed

by my fist’s hesitation and its pleading

i have gone after people

with silence

i have held my tongue for men

who didn’t deserve it

i have gone after people

with my eyes

i have stared down parochial inculcators who mistook me

for a puppet

i go to sleep and have dreams about drowning

and can’t stand the suspense so i think heavy thoughts

and let myself go

i have gone after people

with poems

i get scared sometimes

and have to go seek my reflection to know that i’m

still here