Secretaries in HeavenThis is their new office: alphabetizing clouds, creating a database of prayers received, prayers answered, shooing cherubs off the Xerox, the green beam churning out one perfect copy after another. They have taught the saints how to multitask; their pearl-drop fingernails take dictation. There is no need for white-out since they’ve arrived. Heaven couldn’t be better. The souls over their endless coffee mugs joke about who’s really in charge. Death has been delegated to them completely— they’re just so efficient—the pink stubs of their Number Twos descending from the heavens in a swift swipe of erasure. The afterlife requires such meticulousness. Perpetually sending out memos to the living, it is their business to know everything under the sun. Calves bejeweled in shimmering nylon that never runs, iridescent eyelids, they whisper in their cubicles— they know who’s next. Here in this chorus of machines, the tone deaf copier, the cacophony of the fax, the Golden Swingline’s thump and thud, they wait for us, their round rumps on roller chairs that skim across the great desperate spaces—so organized! so detail-oriented!—singing, Hallelujah, this is Heaven, please hold— |
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