Dummies for Dummies

by S. Asher Sund

In the bookstore, for instance, they stand at the self-help shelf utterly lost and unable to choose.  They ask for directions to the astrology section.  The in-store computer query returns nothing that matches that description.  The alien comes over the loudspeaker.  The alien interrupts the musak to ask for a bookseller.  A bookseller to customer service.  A bookseller appears, nods nods nods his head.  Yes, he understands.  He completely understands.  He has been tasked to find a book.  He spends so much time looking for the book, however, that once he finds it—a great relief to him (shelved, as it was, incorrectly)—he now can’t find the gentleman who asked for it.  A new search results.  More aliens get over the loudspeaker.  They interrupt the musak to ask for more booksellers.  More booksellers asap to customer service!  More booksellers appear at customer service and with clear instructions are sent out in twos, only to return later shaking their heads, completely confused.