Seven Views of Abraham Lincoln's Death1. April 14th 1865: Ford's theater is full with rich fat laughter bellowing out of rich fat people. Abraham Lincoln surveys the scene from his private box. Meanwhile, John Wilkes Booth takes some snuff then strides inside with something dark in his pocket. Lincoln composes a speech during a particularly boring scene. The speech is satisfactory, he thinks stroking his beard. With one shot Booth flings Lincoln's thoughts across the stage. On horseback, Booth wonders if he will ever act again. Federal officers think not and rush to make sure. 2. Booth enters stage right, furious, sword unsheathed. His mother, the luscious queen, weeps on her bed. A noise is heard. Booth plunges his sword into the curtain to catch the false king yet it is Lincoln's noble figure that yelps "Oh! I am slain!" Fade to black. 3. Lincoln eases his long stately legs into the front of his black Lincoln Cadillac. The sun is wiped across the sky like a pad of butter and Lincoln rolls back the roof. The wind pops off his top hat, but he deftly plucks it from the air with antennae-like arms. The fresh wind ruffling his beard, Lincoln feels a freedom, like a bird in flight, as drunk old Booth comes careening round the corner. 4. Lincoln attending an important dinner— Suddenly his stoic face is bright red in panic: A chicken bone lodged in his windpipe! Booth seen fleeing out the back door 5. —Lincoln, represented here as a mammoth sphere of gas and magma, hurtling through space with a wide array of reptiles crawling on his back is unexpectedly bashed in the head by a large rock formation known as Booth. —What happened to the reptiles? —Dead, all dead. Any other questions? —May I go to the bathroom? 6. Booth is doubled over, head planted firmly in hands. He is pale and shaking. He is pale and shaking and sweating. I cannot tell if he is crying, or, if he is I cannot tell if they are tears of joy or sadness. The room is very dark. —Are you so pale John because you murdered the president? —No! he barks, I am this pale because I'm not a damn negro! 7. The thin bearded cell swims blissfully through the vein, before being swallowed by the pale mustached phagocyte. |
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