i am about to express myself

by Tao Lin

i want to check my email
i want to see a movie
i want to kill people
feels like i need to kill someone
i want to kill you
i hate everything
why do i hate so much
everything is a lot of things
talk to me now
please talk to me
i want you to talk to me
i want you to talk to me about how i want to kill my email
i wish i loved everything
i just want to express myself
i am expressing myself right now
good
thank you
i'd like to see a movie and kill someone
i need to check my email then kill myself
i know that good news will arrive only by email
i'd like to see a movie with you then go home and check my email
can we kill someone in a supermarket
it's better in a supermarket because of contrast
the world has no contrast
i need to resurrect someone
there will be shockingly good news about my life inside of my email
killing people is immature
i am twenty-two years old
i think something happened to me
i think email changed me
i think you and email teamed up in the night and changed me in the daytime when i wasn't looking
i think i'd like to make out with you in a movie theatre
i admit that you are better than email
and after the movie you can stab me in the neck
if anyone else stabbed me in the neck i would feel frustrated
if you stabbed me in the neck with a fork i think i would feel pretty confident existentially
i would fall towards you and you would hold me
i do not want to end this poem with that line
i want to end it with some other line
i want to end my life
i don't want to end my life anymore
i changed
people change
poodles also change
i am expressing myself pretty good right now
i want to express the meaninglessness of life with a knife and a ski mask
i think i can do it
do you think i can do it
can we have a conversation about that
what if i stabbed you in the arm with this poem
i think this poem is serrated
i think the top of this poem is like a handle
i think i wish everything was something else
i think my problems live in a house on a mountain in north carolina
i think they are planning to come gouge me and kill me
i have personal belongings that give my anxiety and make me feel serious
i want my face to be a smooth stone in a cold stream
i want an earthquake to shake me
i do not want to die today or any day
i want something cataclysmic to happen in a faraway place
i want to be indicted for a terrible crime that has occurred on pluto
i want to plead guilty but be acquitted on all charges because of honesty
i am bored
i am expressing myself
i am sitting inside your house
i lied
i just lied
i am sitting inside my parent's house
i just told the truth
one time i told you that i felt like i was suffocating
i said i needed coffee and couldn't breathe
you were on the street going in the other direction and i followed you